Holidays can be filled with joy, but they also come with their own unique stress. As decorations come out and holiday shopping begins, it's easy to feel buried under the pressure. Fortunately, a simple yet powerful solution exists to help restore calm to your nervous system—one that could save your holidays!
This little-known regulation tool has pulled me out of panic nearly instantaneously.
Everyone knows that remembering something stressful can trigger a response in our bodies/nervous systems. Sometimes, we get wrapped up in our memories, and our bodies react as if we're reliving it. Your nervous system may enter "fight or flight" to protect you from that "impending" danger and give you a faster heart rate, sweaty palms, and a clenched stomach. Just reading this might evoke some of those feelings. Does it?
What if I told you the same can be done for a peaceful memory?
The One Tool to Rule Them All
I want you to recall a time when you felt safe, secure, calm, and/or relaxed. Maybe it was recent, maybe it was a long time ago, or perhaps there's a fictional place that gives you this feeling. When you picture that peaceful memory or place, what starts to happen in your body? Maybe your shoulders relax a little. Perhaps your heart rate slows, or you yawn. These are all signs that your nervous system is shifting into parasympathetic or "regulated".
We're going to create what's called a "SIFT"— this is a powerful tool you can keep in your back pocket to pull out when the holiday stressies creep up.
Creating the SIFT
Step one: recall a positive, simple memory
One where you felt safe, calm, connected—when everything was simply fine. Take a few deep breaths and put yourself in this memory. Savor it; even close your eyes and notice all the parts of this memory that bring you peace.
Step Two: Sensation
Notice the sensations it brings to your body. How are you breathing? Did your shoulders soften? Do you feel calmer? Note, in your mind, the physiological feelings you get when entering this memory.
Step Three: Image
What does this memory look like? Where are you? What is the temperature? What are your other senses noticing (smell, taste, touch, sound)? Are you with others or by yourself? Note what this image looks like.
Step Four: Feeling
What emotional feeling does this memory bring? Note any feelings you're experiencing while reliving this peaceful memory.
Step Five: Thought
What is the thought associated with this memory? Is "all right with the world"? Are you "content for the moment"? Do you feel "a peaceful sense of connection"? Note the thought that enters your mind when you access this memory.
Finally: Wrap it all together
Now, place a title on this memory. What are 2-3 words that, if someone said them to you, would bring you right back to this memory? This is a special rock to keep in your stocking for Christmas.
Putting it to the test
If you would like to practice your new SIFT, think of something that you were mildly perturbed by. No need to go full stressy, but think of something that activates your nervous system just a little.
Now, notice how it feels to be a little stressed. What does it feel like in your body?
Let your stress know that you see it. For bonus points, send your stress response some gratitude for protecting you.
Next, it's time to reach for your SIFT. What's the title of that peaceful, safe memory? Feel free to close your eyes, and really put yourself there. Take a couple of deep breaths, and envision the Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts associated with this memory. Take your time; be here as long as you'd like.
How do you feel now? Were you able to change the state of your nervous system? If you were, that's HUGE. Be sure to be proud of yourself for this.
Embracing the Waves this Holiday Season
It's normal and very necessary for our nervous systems to shift in and out of regulation every day—even from moment to moment. Each time you bring yourself back to regulation, you are strength training. If you think about it, if the holidays are stressful for you, it's just like hitting the gym for your nervous system!
I want to mention that a SIFT works for bigger stresses too, sometimes it just takes a little more time and focus to get back to a place of regulation. So, be gentle and patient with yourself. Remember not to forget your SIFT when it's time to head to the family party! A little trick you can do is put the title on a piece of paper in your pocket, and every time you feel stressed, reach for that piece of paper. Just touching it will remind you where to go in your mind, and your nervous system will follow.
You've got this. Your nervous system wants to feel safe and regulated. The more time you spend touching back to a place of safety, the more comfortable it'll feel here.
I BELIEVE IN YOU!
Happy Holidays with so much love,
Alex
P.S. you are always welcome to reach out with questions or comments! Send me an email at alex@thestillness.co I'd love to hear from you.
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